Sometimes when I look at you I see myself forty years ago. Yes, you are as complex and frustrating as I was, though, I don't believe as wild, or as angry. You don't have any of the aggression that I had - but then again, you haven't had to grow up competing with three brothers. I too, at the age of twenty, felt lost and purposeless. There is a curse in having a bright mind, a mind that can discern the emptiness that lies behind human existence. There has to be more. There has to be a transcending purpose, a thread the binds beyond the limits of life spans. It took me almost 30 years to discover my WHY. It may take you as long. In the meantime you may find yourself trying to fit in where you don't really feel that you fit. You may find yourself trying to dumb down that wonderful mind of yours in order to not offend and alienate, and you may, like myself, live half your life filled with frustration and a sense of isolation. I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?...Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
You asked me, last night, if there was some way to become less intelligent, so that you might be able to enjoy life more, and fit in better. As I remember back to when I was your age, I too felt that way. I too wished there was a magic pill that would help me to be happy with the cards that I was dealt. Contentment is not in our makeup - not at your age. It is our blessing and our curse that we build, that we create, that we dream and struggle. To create greatness at times, but to never be satisfied, that is the driving force. Others may take what we create and turn it into profits and directions, but that is not WHY we do it, and that path does not interest us. The striving to create greatness is the drive to capture the best for one moment in time. The effects of time, the elements, and physics dictate that even the best degrades back to chaos;dissolves back into the primal state of potential. To have captured a moment of greatness, to have been a catalyst to a pinnacle of opportunity has become the fireworks in the emptiness. In the cracks between what has meaning for most people I have found peace; I have found contentment. I don't know where your life will take you. I can tell you it is going to be one hell of a ride. This world, this earth that we inhabit, this life that we lead, this body that our soul is at the wheel of, is all so vastly amazing; so miraculous. In truth, my days sparkle with a myriad of miracles that is the flow of existence. It's fascinating, at times frightening, always intriguing, and forever changing. It is my lover that I have courted for as long as I can remember. I wish, for you, many blessings and much love on your journey of discovery.
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