Honoring Those Whose Shoulders I Stand On

My Dad died at a fairly young age.  He developed a rampant cancer that took him in a very short time.  I flew home to spend a month with him before he passed, and to help my Mom and family travel the challenging road of watching someone you love die.  During this time together, my father and I were able to talk about death and dying.  One of the things that I liked to do as he grew too frail to read for himself, was to read to him.  Once a week or so I would collect up the numerous cards from well wishers, and I would read then aloud to him, and then he and I would talk.  There were a couple that really touched him profoundly and one of these was from his secretary at work.  She had sent a card, sharing that she had started to lobby prayer on his behalf - in a really BIG way.  She had started with her prayer circle, and then taken it to her church at large, and then had written letters to numerous Catholic monasteries, and had networked with other Catholic prayer groups.  My Dad was amazed and touched by the hundreds of people, who didn't know him personally, who were praying for him.  He said to me, "but I'm not even Catholic, why would they do this?"  "Because," I said, "one person, who loves you dearly, and truly SEES the light you bring to this world, so profoundly believes in you that she felt impelled to reach out, on your behalf to try to DO something personal and life changing, not just for you, but for everyone who CHOOSES to include you in their prayers."  He was touched that those exercising that power BELIEVED IN HIM and in the difference that prayer could make in his life, and death.  In that moment when he realized he was not forgotten in his frailness and dying, but was held in reverence and love in the hearts of those who prayed for him, he found peace.

A Letter to My Daughter

Sometimes when I look at you I see myself forty years ago. Yes, you are as complex and frustrating as I was, though, I don't believe as wild, or as angry. You don't have any of the aggression that I had - but then again, you haven't had to grow up competing with three brothers. I too, at the age of twenty, felt lost and purposeless. There is a curse in having a bright mind, a mind that can discern the emptiness that lies behind human existence. There has to be more. There has to be a transcending purpose, a thread the binds beyond the limits of life spans. It took me almost 30 years to discover my WHY. It may take you as long. In the meantime you may find yourself trying to fit in where you don't really feel that you fit. You may find yourself trying to dumb down that wonderful mind of yours in order to not offend and alienate, and you may, like myself, live half your life filled with frustration and a sense of isolation. I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?...Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

You asked me, last night, if there was some way to become less intelligent, so that you might be able to enjoy life more, and fit in better. As I remember back to when I was your age, I too felt that way. I too wished there was a magic pill that would help me to be happy with the cards that I was dealt. Contentment is not in our makeup - not at your age. It is our blessing and our curse that we build, that we create, that we dream and struggle. To create greatness at times, but to never be satisfied, that is the driving force. Others may take what we create and turn it into profits and directions, but that is not WHY we do it, and that path does not interest us. The striving to create greatness is the drive to capture the best for one moment in time. The effects of time, the elements, and physics dictate that even the best degrades back to chaos;dissolves back into the primal state of potential. To have captured a moment of greatness, to have been a catalyst to a pinnacle of opportunity has become the fireworks in the emptiness. In the cracks between what has meaning for most people I have found peace; I have found contentment. I don't know where your life will take you. I can tell you it is going to be one hell of a ride. This world, this earth that we inhabit, this life that we lead, this body that our soul is at the wheel of, is all so vastly amazing; so miraculous. In truth, my days sparkle with a myriad of miracles that is the flow of existence. It's fascinating, at times frightening, always intriguing, and forever changing. It is my lover that I have courted for as long as I can remember. I wish, for you, many blessings and much love on your journey of discovery.

How Serious Is too Serious?

It is important to be serious about what you believe in. It is also important to be able to laugh at yourself.

There are times, for myself, when I have to remind myself that I'm a finite being living in a finite world that is spinning in a comparably infinite universe. As serious as I take myself, I still need to laugh, and I still need to be open to others perspectives and ideas. There is nothing scarier that a person who takes themselves so seriously that they can't see the irony of their existence; that they can't laugh at themselves on occasion and make fun of themselves on occasion. In the end what I do will be the testimony to what I believe. Lip service is easy...living an exemplary life is the challenge. Real truth is never compromised because one person indulges their sense of humor or makes an off message choice. Real truth just is. It's people who pass judgments and hold expectations; it's people who exclude or include according to their rules and boundaries that can create artificial truths or truths that are merely situationally applicable.

Compassion becomes the salve that breaks down barriers and allows others to freely choose without past experiences weighing one down. It is compassion that lifts others up and holds them in a place that allows them to be all that they can be. So laugh a little; enjoy life; and know that everyone is exploring their boundaries and finding their comfort zones. I, for one, choose to see the best, laugh with the rest, and live my life in a way that I am at peace with it.