Understanding Fear

In today's world there is a complexity to fear that can be mind boggling. We can find ourselves fearful of so many things coming from so many directions: fear of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of that which is out of our control, fear of emotional threats, fear of environmental threats, just to name a few. Fear can stop us from living our lives fully, can prevent us from reaping the bounty that life can be. To understand fear, you truly need to understand it's origins.

In the beginning, well before we were ever born, fear was the cornerstone to man's survival. Fear was the response that triggered our bodies to prepare for the three key survival responses: fight, flight, or fold. Fear resides in our emotional center - the part of our brain that held sway over our responses well before logic reared it's multidimensional head. Fear was king during a time when the human race focused 100% of it's time on food, water, and shelter/safety. Fear was key in ensuring that man lived to see another day. Then something happened.

Logic and language have taken the human race to places far beyond those early beginnings. We've been to the moon, we've cloned entire organisms, we've reordered our world in ways that were unimaginable to the original man. However, no matter how far we have come, no matter what the time and distance, fear is still with us. It is a part of our survival mechanism, and our bodies still react with the intent that fear has a purpose and that it's purpose embraces survival. The problem is, in today's world, fear can step in at the most inopportune and inappropriate moments. Where fear was once a welcome companion to survival, it has now become an obstacle to success and fulfillment.

There are no easy answers to this conundrum. For myself, just recognizing that fear, when it appears, can seem like a fish out of water. This recognition allows me to embrace it and, to some degree, put it to rest. You can give fear its due: I know that some people intentionally take risks and engage in risky behaviors. Fear and logic have the habit of dancing around each other, but logic can never truly touch fear, and when fear dominates, logic struggles for a hand hold. Awareness becomes the best determinant in managing fear. When fear is appropriate, let it lead you. When fear is not called for, honor that your body is responding in a way that has gotten mankind to this point. Give yourself the space and grace to move past fear, in these instances, into a place of logic. Make of your life what you want, fear should be your ally. You determine how it plays out in your life.

A Letter to My Daughter

Sometimes when I look at you I see myself forty years ago. Yes, you are as complex and frustrating as I was, though, I don't believe as wild, or as angry. You don't have any of the aggression that I had - but then again, you haven't had to grow up competing with three brothers. I too, at the age of twenty, felt lost and purposeless. There is a curse in having a bright mind, a mind that can discern the emptiness that lies behind human existence. There has to be more. There has to be a transcending purpose, a thread the binds beyond the limits of life spans. It took me almost 30 years to discover my WHY. It may take you as long. In the meantime you may find yourself trying to fit in where you don't really feel that you fit. You may find yourself trying to dumb down that wonderful mind of yours in order to not offend and alienate, and you may, like myself, live half your life filled with frustration and a sense of isolation. I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?...Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

You asked me, last night, if there was some way to become less intelligent, so that you might be able to enjoy life more, and fit in better. As I remember back to when I was your age, I too felt that way. I too wished there was a magic pill that would help me to be happy with the cards that I was dealt. Contentment is not in our makeup - not at your age. It is our blessing and our curse that we build, that we create, that we dream and struggle. To create greatness at times, but to never be satisfied, that is the driving force. Others may take what we create and turn it into profits and directions, but that is not WHY we do it, and that path does not interest us. The striving to create greatness is the drive to capture the best for one moment in time. The effects of time, the elements, and physics dictate that even the best degrades back to chaos;dissolves back into the primal state of potential. To have captured a moment of greatness, to have been a catalyst to a pinnacle of opportunity has become the fireworks in the emptiness. In the cracks between what has meaning for most people I have found peace; I have found contentment. I don't know where your life will take you. I can tell you it is going to be one hell of a ride. This world, this earth that we inhabit, this life that we lead, this body that our soul is at the wheel of, is all so vastly amazing; so miraculous. In truth, my days sparkle with a myriad of miracles that is the flow of existence. It's fascinating, at times frightening, always intriguing, and forever changing. It is my lover that I have courted for as long as I can remember. I wish, for you, many blessings and much love on your journey of discovery.